The last entry was about my sister - the loss of her.
That was many months ago, but I am still mourning, and suspect I shall be for the rest of my days. Our lives have been literally shattered.
Some days are OK, most are horrible, and there is always that feeling she's going to just walk right through the door and say: "I was just pranking you all!"
I wish... I wouldn't even be mad at her, I'd just hug her.
So, I'm trying to move on... I carry her heart with me, I carry it in my heart.
It's not enough...
Universities, tummy tuck, workouts, new hairstyle, new home, new dog, new friends, new loves, new life - a new life that both rocks and sucks.
Why? Why can't we ever have it all?
I know she is much happier, whether she's in heaven, or just sleeping soundly in God's hands. I often pray that if she's sleeping, God may send her dreams of us.
Good, sweet dreams, full of love and affection.
These warm tears running down my face... Her smile and her touch all over this house... The pain of not being able to hear or touch her... The sad mystery of her last days, her last hours... The melancholy, the pain... I want to keep on feeling them, experiencing them all. I don't ever want to forget.
My soul is still in mourning... And it shall be for the rest of my days, until I can meet her again.
